


I Miss My Friend

by Jules1980



Category: The Equalizer (TV)
Genre: A/U, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-17 07:54:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16091309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jules1980/pseuds/Jules1980
Summary: Sometimes you have that one friend who is always there for you.  Until they're not.  Then what do you do?





	1. Marry Me

**Author's Note:**

> NBC owns The Equalizer and the song lyrics are from Thomas Rhett's Marry Me. Fic title is from a Darryl Worley song.

* * *

_She wants to get married, she wants it perfect_

_I'll wear my black suit, black tie, hide out in the back_

_I'll do a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask_

_I'll try to make it through without crying so nobody sees_

_Yeah, she wanna get married_

_But she don't wanna marry me_

* * *

 

St. Augustine Catholic Church

Bronx, New York

June 30, 1991 1:45 p.m.

Scott McCall sat down on the stoop of the building across the street and took a long drink from his flask. It had been two months since he'd found the elegantly styled invitation on his father's desk.

_Mr. and Mrs. George Thorton Wentworth_

_request the pleasure of your company_

_at the marriage of_

_Joella Leigh Kostamayer_

_to their son_

_James Thorton Wentworth_

_at_

_St. Augustine Catholic Church_

_Bronx, New York_

_June 30, 1991, at 2 p.m._

_Reception to Follow at The Plaza_

They misspelled her name. Twice. Joey's name was Joella Lee Kostmayer. Not Leigh Kostamayer. He couldn't believe she'd let that one go. Embossed Calla Lilies and calligraphy in silver. Such a pretty way to shatter a heart. Scott crumpled the card in his fist and threw it in the trash can vehemently.

His dad had just looked at the crumpled card in the trash can then up at his face. “I take it that you did not receive one?”

“Where would she have sent it?” Scott shrugged.

That was true. He was never 'home' long enough to be considered having a home. He'd stay with Robert or his mom and Walter for a few days here and there between assignments if he was nearby but he was rarely nearby. He traveled the world but avoided New York City as much as humanly possible.

“Well,” Robert shrugged. “You can always be my plus one.”

“I don't think so, Dad,” he smirked. “I'm pretty sure that meant plus anyone but Scott. She hasn't even spoken to me in two years.” He'd tried at first, sending her postcards or calling her whenever he could find a safe phone, but she never answered and all the postcards had caught up with him in Greece months later, all marked 'return to sender' in a handwriting that looked suspiciously like Joey's. He'd gotten rip-roaringly drunk and Mickey, of all people, had had to sober him up for his next mission.

He took the card out of the trash and straightened it gently. His best friend since he was twelve was getting married and he wasn't invited. He ran a finger over the embossed, calligraphic, misspelled name and sighed. Joey. So many memories flooded his mind. Nights spent watching movies, going to clubs, watching over the other when times were hard. Picnics, concerts, and plays. Dates and dinners. Paris. God, _Paris_. He'd give up everything to be back in Paris with her again. To do things right this time. To have the extra time, even if he couldn't have her in the end. He sighed again and set the card back on Robert's desk.

“I think I'm going to take a nap,” he said, walking towards the back bedroom. Robert didn't miss that he'd grabbed a bottle of good scotch from the liquor cabinet on his way back.

Now, here he was. Hanging out on the stoop like some stalker, waiting, watching for the chance to see her just once more. He took another drink from his flask before stashing it in the pocket of his black leather jacket.

“You know, they taught coverts to hide better in my day.”

“I'm not hiding,” he said, looking up at his dad.

“Obviously,” Robert said, taking a seat next to him without waiting for the invitation that they both knew wasn't coming. “Not going in?”

As it turned out, Scott had been invited. Joey had sent it to his mother's house, probably betting on him not getting it until the wedding was long over. “I can't believe I'm even here,” he said, motioning to the stoop. After the night before, he was pretty sure that his invitation had been rescinded. “Is she happy, Dad?”

Robert hesitated. He wasn't sure how much he should say but decided to go ahead anyway. “Mickey doesn't believe so.”

“Then why?”

“Why does anyone do anything, Son?” He replied, then softened, patting Scott's knee. “Mickey think she feels obligation more than love. Things moved so fast she didn't know how to stop them and feels like she can't get out now.”

“Bullshit,” Scott scoffed. “She's Joey Kostmayer. If she didn't want to go through with this, Mickey could have her halfway around the world before anyone even knew she was gone.” He sighed. “I don't mean that. Dad, how is it that I can face down drug lords, human traffickers, and brutal dictators but I can't find the courage to walk into that church, plaster on a smile, and be happy for her?” He took his flask back out and took another sip before offering it to Robert.

“The hardest thing to ever face is the woman you love, loving someone else,” Robert said, taking a drink from the flask. “So that's where my good Irish whiskey went.”

Scott shrugged letting the 'woman you love' comment go unchallenged. “Most of it ended up on the side of 57th and Grand last night.”

Robert cocked his head to the side and nodded understandingly. “Sure you don't want to join me?”

Scott looked at his hands and shook his head.

“Well, I'll save you a seat in the back if you change your mind. For what it's worth, I think she's making a mistake.” He handed Scott back the flask and put his arm around his shoulders, giving him a hug before standing up and walking across the street to the church.

Scott watched as his father stopped to talk to Mickey and Father Nick who was waiting on the church steps. If he betrayed Scott's presence, then Mickey didn't betray Robert as he didn't spare even a glance at the building across the street.

After a few minutes, Father Nick went inside, leaving Mickey alone on the steps. He looked uncomfortable, pulling at the collar of his rented tux and checking his watch when he stopped and smiled.

Joey looked like a princess as she walked towards Mickey. She was everything Scott had always imagined she'd be in her white dress and the gauzy veil covering her red hair. Beautiful didn't come close to describing how she looked. His heart caught in his throat as he watched her hug Mickey, then take her place by his side as her attendants fussed over her veil, her dress, her train until everything was perfect. The church doors opened and that so familiar tuned rang out into the streets as she stepped into the church and out of his life forever.

_Yeah, she's gonna get married  
But she ain't gonna marry me_

* * *

 

1978

It was after a bad mission that their agreement came about. One that Mickey barely got out of alive. One involving the worst of humanity. McCall could stand a lot of depravity but those that went after children were the ones he just couldn't abide. Apparently, neither could the younger man laying on a stretcher beside him. He'd nearly killed himself to take out the ringleader.

“You should have left me in the Brig where you found me,” Kostmayer whispered, not really sure if he wanted the older man to hear him or not. “Then I wouldn't have to know places like that exist.”

“You'd rather your daughter grow up thinking her father is a murderer?” Robert asked, sardonically.

“Than have people like that know that she exists?” he spat. “Hell, yes. At least when I was in the Brig, no one was going after her.”

Ah. So that was Mickey's problem with this mission. “What did the bastard say that got to you?” Maybe Mickey was internalizing something misinterpreted.

“That he didn't care that we had taken his girls. They were too old anyway. He said he preferred twelve-year-old redheads,” Mickey snarled.

Robert shook his head. No wonder. Mickey's girl was a twelve-year-old redhead. Something they would have only known if they had been following her.

“How well does the company protect our families anyway?”

“Not well enough for my liking,” McCall answered. “Though I would probably feel that way no matter what. I have a son. He's twelve as well. My greatest fear is that someone from the other side will find him.”

“Then why do you keep pissing off the wrong people?”

“Because I'd rather chance that one person like that could get to him than have him grow up into a world full of them,” he replied. Seeing that didn't placate the man, he sighed and added, “Look, if things ever go badly out there, then you have my word that I, not the company, will look after your daughter.”

“And why would you do that?” Mickey scoffed. He didn't yet trust anyone with the company.

“Because if anything goes badly for me, you'll look after my son,” Robert replied confidently.

“Yeah. Yeah, I will,” Mickey said, resolutely. “Good plan.” Finally placated, he let his head drop back as the drugs the medic was pushing into him took over.

Robert had thought that Mickey had forgotten all about their 'agreement' in the helicopter. With as much morphine as the medic had been giving him, it was amazing that Mickey could remember anything that happened on that mission. However, it appeared that he had not forgotten.

“Did you mean what you said in the medivac?” Kostmayer cornered him at headquarters.

“I'm not in the habit of saying things I don't mean,” Robert answered.

“Then you need to meet my kid. She knows not to go anywhere near anyone claiming to be from the company without my okay,” he said.

“Can't you just tell her?”

“How would she know you from Control?”

“Is your daughter as suspicious of everyone as you?” Robert asked.

“Worse,” Mickey grinned.

“Well, as long as I know what I am getting myself into,” he replied. “Fine. Scott will be in the city this weekend. We'll meet Saturday.”

* * *

 

Scott knew something was up when his dad suggested that they go to Central Park. In all the years they'd lived in New York, Robert had never gone to the park across the street from their old house with him, much less taken him to Central Park. When he saw the man in a green jacket waiting for them, he realized this wasn't about him but about his dad's work. Again. He folded his arms across his chest, slowed his steps, and rolled his eyes.

“Step lively, Scott,” Robert called back.

He looked up to reply when he felt someone hit him from behind and suddenly he was in a tangle of limbs, skates, and red hair at his father's feet.

“Sorry,” a giggling voice said.

He turned over to push himself up, accidentally kicking the girl's skate out from under her and she fell onto him again, knocking the air out of him. He stared up at her. She was laughing. He didn't see what was so funny, but he kind of liked the way her brown eyes sparkled. _No, not brown,_ he thought. _Brown is too plain. Honey._ They were the color of honey with gold flecks around the irises. Suddenly he realized he'd been staring at her. “Get off me,” he growled, pushing her up.

“I'm trying,” she shot back. “Quit kicking my feet.” At that, the guy in the green jacket reached down and hauled her to her feet by the arm. Scott waved off Robert's attempts to help him up, getting to his feet and brushing off his jeans and shirt.

“Take off your skates, Joe,” Mickey said. “That's the second person you've run over and I'm not in the mood to be sued today.”

“He walked in front of me,” she replied, indignantly. “It's not my fault.”

“Now, Joella. And apologize for plowing into him.”

She lifted her chin and folded her arms across her chest. Her dad stared down at her for a long moment until she sighed and dropped her arms. “Fine. I'm sorry.” She stomped, as much as she could in skates, over to a bench and changed into her tennis shoes, all the while glaring at Scott as though her lack of skating skills was his fault. He straightened his collar and lifted his chin up proudly, determined to ignore her. However, for Scott, ignoring Joey Kostmayer would be a skill he'd never learn. After a quick introduction, she grabbed his hand and ran off towards the nearby duck pond, pulling him along.

“I love the ducks, don't you?” she asked.

He shrugged. He had never really been there except on school trips to the performance area on the other side of the park. “I've never really been to this part of the park,” he admitted.

“Really? My dad brings me here whenever he's home,” she said. “We feed the ducks, play soccer, and eat hot dogs. I always ride the carousel and then we go watch the Mets or the Knicks, whoever is playing. Usually, my Uncle Nick comes with us, but he's performing a wedding ceremony today. He's a priest.”

“What about your mom?” Scott asked.

“Um..,” she looked down at her hands, then over at her dad who was talking with Robert a few yards away. “She's not a part of our lives right now.”

The answer sounded rehearsed and Scott sensed that he'd somehow brought up the wrong subject. “Oh,” he said, lamely. “So, who do you live with when your dad is..., you know..., gone?”

“My grandmas and Uncle Nick is always around if I need something,” she smiled again, seeming to forget the earlier question. “Where do you go to school?”

“My mom and I live in Connecticut. She's getting remarried,” he answered. “I go to school there.”

“I go to Sacred Heart Academy,” she said. “Or I will when school starts back. Do you want to play soccer? Do you know how?” She jumped to her feet. “I have a ball.”

“Of course I know how to play soccer,” he replied, following her. It wasn't exactly true. He knew how to kick the ball but had never played to know all the rules. Despite it having something to do with his dad's job, Scott found himself having a good time. Joey was fun. She seemed to run or bounce everywhere and she _never stopped talking_. The only time she was quiet and still was when she was eating and Scott would swear that the moment she'd swallow the last bite of her hot dog, she jumped to her feet and started talking again. He'd never seen someone who just couldn't sit still. It had to be driving his dad crazy. He liked things orderly and calm. Joey Kostmayer was anything but calm. She practically vibrated with energy. That's how he would always know something was wrong whenever she got still and quiet.

The next time he'd see her, she'd be as still as a statue and quiet as a mouse.

 


	2. I'll Be There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song lyrics are from Mariah Carey's 'I'll Be There'.

* * *

_I'll be there with a love so strong,_  
_I'll be your strength,_  
_You know I'll keep holdin' on._

* * *

__

1980

“Kostmayer residence, Joey speaking,” she chirped cheerfully into the phone, hoping it was her dad. He hadn't called in two weeks and she missed him. Instead, it was someone breathing heavy. _Pervert._

“Who is this?” she demanded. “If this is a joke, it isn't funny.” She started to hang up when she realized that the person wasn't heavy breathing, they were sobbing. Probably someone looking for Uncle Nick.

“Joey?” Finally came a broken reply.

“Scott? Is that you?” After meeting in the park more than a year before, they had sort of became friends. Well, penpals would have been a more accurate term. They hadn't seen each other again, but they wrote and Scott called her occasionally. She liked Scott. She liked that he didn't ask stupid questions like where her Dad was all the time or why she lived with her grandmothers.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“Scott, what's wrong?” she asked when he fell silent again.

After a few starts that ended with him sobbing harder, he finally managed to say, “My dad..., my dad, he's...,”

He couldn't say anything else. He didn't need to say anything else. “Oh, no, Scott.” Her voice wavered and her hand flew to her mouth. She didn't really know Scott's dad but she did understand what Scott was feeling. She knew that she could have just as easily have been the one calling him. She lived with that fear and he did too. Even the sight of a stranger in a trench coat on her street was enough to make her heart beat faster and her mouth go dry. They were always waiting for that shoe to fall. “Okay. I'm on my way.”

She hung up the phone and grabbed her backpack. She knew he lived in a small town just over the Connecticut line. One of the towns where everyone commuted to the city to work. Even Scott's stepdad was a commuter.

She dashed off a note for Babula, then ran down to the church. She came in and out so often that no one even looked up as she dashed up the stairs to Father Kostmayer's office. She remembered to stop and knock just before she burst in. He was always on her case about running into his office just because she had interrupted a counseling session a few times.

“Come in.”

“Uncle Nick, I have to go to Connecticut,” she said as she opened the door. The man behind the desk looked up in surprise. “You're not Uncle Nick.”

“And you aren't the Jalenski's,” he replied back.

“Sorry, Father Michaels,” she corrected herself. “I'm looking for Uncle Nick.”

“He's gone to the hospital,” he replied. “A parishioner needed last rites. He said I could use his office for a marriage counseling session since mine is being painted and the fumes are quite noxious.”

“Oh. Sorry to barge in,” she said, contritely. “Do you know when he'll be back?”

“No, sorry, Sweetie,” Father Michaels replied. “You're welcome to wait in the Rectory for him.”

“That's okay,” she shook her head. “It's Wednesday. He always comes to see Babula on Wednesdays. I'll just wait for him at home.”

“Are you okay, Joella?” Father Michaels asked, wrinkling his brow with concern.

“I'm fine. Thanks. I'm just going to go home and wait. I'll see you on Sunday,” she smiled. _I'm lying to a priest. I'm going to hell for sure._ She was going home, but she wouldn't be waiting there. Sometimes Uncle Nick could be at the hospital for hours. She would leave a note, then she was going to Connecticut one way or another. She could take the train and be there in forty-five minutes. She was thirteen, almost fourteen. She could ride the train alone. She'd ridden the metro plenty of times. Of course, that was always with her dad or Uncle Nick, but she could do it. She didn't necessarily need him.

“Have a good evening, Joella,” Father Michaels smiled. “I'll let Father Kostmayer know that you were looking for him if I see him.”

“Thank you.” She stopped in the chapel to pray. To pray for Scott, for his dad, and for her dad. Her heart was hurting for Scott but she couldn't stop that little thought in her head that it could have been her dad. Being relieved that it wasn't made her feel sick with guilt. But that was a normal thought, right?

If she ran, she could just make the five o'clock metro. So, maybe she wasn't exactly supposed to leave the neighborhood alone, much less the state, but Babula and Uncle Nick would understand. In her haste, she forgot to go back and leave a better note.

* * *

 

To be fair to Joey, she did leave a note. To be fair to Nick, the note said, 'Gone to the Rectory to see Uncle Nick.' Not 'going to Connecticut.' She was definitely not at the rectory. She wasn't at the church, she wasn't with her mother's mother, she wasn't at the park, or at her friend Sarah's, or anywhere else Nick had frantically looked for her in the last hour.

“She's definitely not here,” Nick said into the phone. “I know that's what the note said, but she's not here. And she's not at home, and she's not anywhere in between or anywhere else I can think of.” He paused, listening. “No, I wouldn't think so. No one has seen her mom in months. I mean, Mickey gave me some cash for her last time he was home and even I haven't been able to find her to pass it on...,” he rolled his eyes up at the ceiling as his mother went on a tirade about how Mickey was still supporting 'that woman'. “Because she's the mother of his child, Mom. But that's irrelevant right now. I don't think she just showed up out of the blue today and took Joey. I think it's time we call the authorities.”

“Father Kostmayer, is anything wrong?” Father Michaels joined him in his office.

“Hold on, Ma,” he said, putting his hand over the mouthpiece. “Joey's missing. Mom came home to a note saying she was coming to see me, but she wasn't here when I got back from the hospital, nor in any of her usual spots.”

“She did come here,” Father Michaels said.

“You saw her?”

“She burst in here while I was waiting for the Jalenskis,” he replied. “She was looking for you. She said something about needing to go to Connecticut.”

“Connecticut?” Nick repeated. “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure,” Michaels shrugged. “She was a little upset. I told her that she could wait for you in the Rectory, but she said she was going on home.”

“Thanks,” he said, before taking his hand off the telephone's mouthpiece. “Ma, does Joey know anyone in Connecticut?... Wait, that boy... the one she writes to, the one who's dad works with Mick, he's in Connecticut, right?... Alright, Ma. Just calm down. I'm on my way home, then I'll go get our girl.”

* * *

 

Scott never expected Joey to actually come over.

“Scott, you have company,” Kay called to him.

“Okay,” he shrugged, not leaving his perch on the picnic table in the backyard. He'd been there for hours, ever since Control had left.

“It's okay, Mrs. Wesley,” Joey said, stepping around her. “Hi,” she said, climbing up on the table beside him.

“Hi.”

She slipped her hand in his and laid her head on his shoulder. He was freezing. She could feel the coldness in his hands even through her gloves. “You're so cold. Why don't you go in?”

“People in there want to talk,” he said. “I don't want to talk.”

“What do you want to do?”

“Sit here.”

“You're doing a great job of it,” she replied.

Scott laughed despite how miserable he felt.

“But do you have to get frostbite, too?” She asked, pulling her jacket tighter around her.

“I could probably be just as good at sitting here while wearing a jacket,” he conceded. “But I have to go inside to get it and I don't want to go inside.”

“I'll go get it,” she said, hopping up from her seat and making a beeline for the back door before he could stop her. She came back with his jacket, scarf, and gloves. Once he put them all on, she climbed back up beside him, put her hand in his again, and laid her head against his shoulder. He squeezed her hand and rested his head against hers.

Joey wasn't sure how long they sat like that, but it had grown dark around them.

“They can't even..,” Scott started. “They can't even bring his body back. We can't even have a funeral.”

“Where was he?”

“Control wouldn't tell me,” he replied. “Do you know where your dad is?”

She shook her head, “But he's usually somewhere in Russia or around there.”

“Why?”

“He speaks Polish,” she shrugged.

“Can you?” Scott asked.

She nodded. “Babula taught me.”

“Babula?”

“That's grandma in Polish,” she smiled.

“I don't have a grandmother,” Scott said. “I don't have anyone. No one who understands. I was already the weird kid because my parents were divorced.”

“You have me,” she replied.

“Yeah,” he smiled, then dropped his head and sobbed. “He's really never coming back, Joey.”

Joey put her arm around him and held him close. She didn't know what to say so she didn't say anything.

* * *

 

If Control was the last person Kay expected to see on her doorstep that day, a Catholic priest would have been the second to last.

“Hi,” Nick said, nervously. “Does Scott McCall live here?” He held up the letter he'd swiped off Joey's desk. “I think my niece may be here.”

Realization washed over Kay's face. “And I'm guessing by the look on your face that she didn't tell anyone she was coming here.” She had thought it was odd that the girl rode the train by herself, but then Scott took the train into the city once a week for violin lessons by himself so she hadn't thought too much about it. Especially not after Joey got Scott to put on his jacket and gloves, something neither she or Walter had been able to talk him into.

“No,” he shook his head.

“Come in, come in,” Kay shook her head at her own lapse in manners. “Excuse my manners. I'm sorry. We've had a shock today. Scott's father.., Scott's father was killed in the line of duty.” Why couldn't she just say Robert or even my ex-husband? Why did she always feel the need to push the connection to herself as far away as possible?

“Oh. Oh, I see,” Nick replied. “He must have called Joey. That's why she came here.”

“I'm glad she did,” Kay confessed, leading him into the kitchen and pointing to the children through the windows. “Scott hadn't let anyone near him since Control left until she came over.” She hesitated, then said, “I know she was wrong in coming here the way she did, but she's already here, and Scott really needs someone..., could she, and you, stay just a little longer? Maybe she can talk him into coming inside.”

Nick watched the two kids outside. By all appearances, they were just sitting together, but he knew that sometimes that was all that could be done for someone grieving. “Sure,” he decided. It was true that she was already there, the damage had already been done and if she was helping the boy, what would another hour or so hurt?

“Would you like a cup of tea? I was just about to make some for Walter and myself,” Kay said, filling a kettle. “Does Joey drink hot chocolate? She must be freezing out there with him.”

“That would be lovely,” Nick replied. “And no ma'am. Joey's a diabetic. She's not allowed to have sweets.”

“Oh.., um..,” Kay looked flustered. She had hoped that if Joey accepted the drink, Scott would too.

“She does like tea,” he replied, kindly. “I'm going to speak with her for a moment.”

“Oh, no,” Joey whispered when Nick walked out the back door of Scott's house. “The note.” She had forgotten to go back and leave a better note. She'd never seen Uncle Nick look quite so angry. At anyone and definitely not at her. He never got angry with her.

He motioned for her to come to him and she slid off the picnic table and walked over on leaden feet. For one awful minute, she thought he was actually going to strike her. For one awful minute, he thought he was too. Instead, he grabbed her and hugged her hard.

“Joella, you scared the life out of me,” he said, still hugging her tightly. Despite what he had told his mother, he couldn't stop the nagging thoughts of what if Angelica had come around and gotten Joey to leave with her. There was a reason Mickey paid her good money to stay away from their daughter. In her mother's world, not having her insulin would be the least of her worries. “You can't just disappear like that.”

“I'm sorry, Uncle Nick,” she said, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him back. “I meant to leave a note. I had to come. We agreed. Scott..,”

“I know,” Nick said. “His mother explained. You're not off the hook for just disappearing. Even if you'd left a note, you know you can't leave the neighborhood without an adult, but I do understand.”

“I'm sorry, Uncle Nick,” she said again. “I really am. I just had to come and you're at the hospital for hours sometimes. I didn't mean to make you worry.”

“I know,” he replied, kissing the top of her head. “I know. Go sit with your friend.”

“I can stay?”

“For a while,” he answered. “I'm going to go find a phone and let Babula know that you are okay. His mom wants him to come inside,” he motioned to Scott. “See what you can do.”

“Yes, sir,” she grinned.

She went back and sat down by Scott. This time it was him that reached for her hand and pulled her back close to him.

“Are you in trouble?” he asked, leaning his head against hers.

“A little, but it's my fault,” she replied. “I forgot to tell my Babula or Uncle Nick where I was going, but it'll be okay. If Uncle Nick was mad, he would have made me leave. He's cool.”

“I'm sorry,” Scott said. “I didn't mean for you to get in trouble.”

“No, seriously, don't worry about it,” she replied. “It totally won't be a big deal.”

“Thank you,” he said.

“You would have done the same,” she said.

“I will,” he said. “It'll happen. They take everyone. They take everything.”

“They can't take me,” she said, squeezing his hand.

“Me either,” he replied.

“Come on, let's go inside,” she said. “It's freezing.”

“I don't want to.”

“I know, but you can't sit out here freezing your balls off all night, that's not going to help,” she replied.

Scott started snickering. “Did you just say 'freezing your balls off'? I don't think I've ever heard a girl say 'balls' before.”

“That's because you hang out with Upper Eastside blue blood girls,” she laughed. “Come to the Bronx sometime. I'm practically a saint. Come on.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek, then stood up, not letting go of his hand and pulled him inside.

* * *

 

“Father Kostmayer, can I ask you, how much does Joey know about what your brother does?” Kay asked.

Nick set his teacup down. “She knows that he works for the government, that his work is dangerous, and that he can't really talk about it. She doesn't know exactly what it is that he is doing, though.”

“Does it bother her, that he can't talk about it? I think that's the hardest thing for Scott, that he'll never really know why his father was away so much,” Kay replied.

“If it does, she hasn't said anything,” he admitted. “But her father has been in the Navy and was a SEAL for most of her life. She's used to him being gone and not talking about what he's doing.”

“Scott just gets so angry when people mention that his father isn't around and that he can't talk about why so most kids just assume Robert is some kind of, I don't know, deadbeat father,” she said. “I can only imagine it's going to be worse now.”

“I think Joey just lets people assume that Mickey is still in the Navy,” Nick replied. “It's easier for her that way.”

“All this time, I thought Joey Kostmayer was a boy,” Kay laughed lightly.

“Yeah, I'm pretty sure my brother thinks that too,” Nick laughed in reply. “Speaking of Joey, I think it's time she and I headed back to the city.”

“Thank you for letting her stay a while,” Kay said, sincerely. “Will you let her come back? You know, when we know more and can make arrangements.”

“Of course,” Nick replied. “We'll be praying for you.”

“Thank you.”

It was well after eleven by the time they got on the train back to the city. It had been a long day and Joey was exhausted as she leaned heavily against Nick.

“Am I in trouble, Uncle Nick?” she asked with a yawn.

“What do you think?”

“I think I'm in a lot of trouble,” she replied.

“I think you're right,” he agreed.

“How much trouble?”

“I can't say,” he said.

“Why not? Cause you have to wait to talk to Dad?”

“No. Because the word has not yet been invented to describe how much trouble you are in,” he grinned, looking down at her.

“What are you going to do?”

“Well, Babula wants to ground you until you are married,” Nick replied.

“How am I supposed to meet a boy to marry if I'm grounded till then?” She laughed.

“Therein lies the punishment, Joe-Joe,” he replied with a smirk.

She was quiet so long he thought she had fallen asleep. “Uncle Nick?”

“Yes?”

“I feel bad for Scott, but I'm glad that it wasn't Daddy. Does that make me a bad person?” She asked, timidly.

“No, Sweetheart,” he said, putting his arm around her shoulders and hugging her. “That doesn't make you a bad person. That makes you human. Get some rest.”

She nodded, then said again, “Uncle Nick?”

“What is it?” He tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

“I love you.”

He smiled and kissed her forehead. “I love you, too.”

She yawned again and promptly fell asleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a review.


	3. She's in Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Lyrics are from Mark Wills' 'She's in Love'

* * *

_She's in love_  
_She's got that fire in her eyes..._  
_She's in love_  
_Why can't it be me_

* * *

1982

Scott took a sip of his soda and looked around the cafe. There was two boys about his age at a table in the back, some construction guys on their lunch break at the counter, and three mothers with young kids in the booth in front of him. It was kind of empty for a Saturday morning, but Joey insisted that they had great hamburgers. He looked at his watch. He had three hours until he had to be at the University for his violin lesson and he hoped to spend most of it with her.

Ever since she'd come to see him when they thought that Robert had died, he'd made it a point to meet her at least once a month when he was in the city. Fortunately, Robert hadn't been killed in Angola. He'd been seriously wounded and another agent had died. Control's informant had mixed the two men up. Still, she'd dropped everything to be with him and he hadn't forgotten it. He hadn't seen her all summer though, because she'd been somewhere with Mickey for most of it.

“Hey, Scott,” Joey grinned. “Give me a hug.”

Scott slid out of the booth to hug her.

“Geez,” she laughed, reaching up to put her arms around his neck. “You're like six feet tall now. When did that happen?”

“Somewhere between Camp Tamakwa and the Hampton's,” he laughed. “So where were you all summer?”

“Fishing,” she replied, but the sparkle in her eyes told that there was more to that story. She slid into the booth. “So tell me about your summer.”

“Boring. Yours?”

Amazing,” she smiled.

“Going fishing with your dad was amazing?” he laughed.

“I didn't say where we went fishing,” she giggled, then leaned forward and whispered, “Greece.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it was awesome. I'll tell you more after lunch,” she said. He knew that meant when there weren't so many listening ears around. They ordered their food and was talking about his upcoming concert when the boys from the back table got up to leave. He noticed one of the boys jab the other in the ribs and motion to him and Joey. He tensed, ready for.., well, he wasn't sure what, but the one he could see didn't look too happy.

The second guy turned around and gave Scott the once over size up before walking over and sliding into the booth beside Joey, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

“Hey, Baby, what are you doing here?” He asked, pulling her close and kissing her temple.

“Hey, Tommy,” she replied, smiling brightly at him. “This is my friend, Scott. You know, the one I was telling you about last night?”

“Oh yeah, the dude from Jersey who plays piano, right?”

“Connecticut and violin,” she replied. “Were you even listening?”

“I might have been a little distracted,” Tommy said, running his index finger over gold chain holding her crucifix around her neck.

She slapped his hand away and pushed him away slightly. “Stop it, Tommy. Scott, this is Tommy Murphy.”

The boys shook hands and Tommy immediately turned back to Joey, rubbing the chain of her crucifix again.

“What are you doing here?” Joey asked him, pushing his hand off her neck again, this time lacing her fingers through his and holding their hands down on the table.

“Mitch and I are headed down to the station to hang out with our dads,” he replied. “We were going to bring them some lunch and help them wash the trucks but then they caught a hot call and we were waiting here.”

“You just wanted to drive the fire trucks,” she teased.

“Probably,” he grinned. “Are you going to Winston's party with me tonight?”

“No. Uncle Nick will never go for that and Babula is out of town,” she replied. “We can go to a movie or something.”

“Come on,” he wheedled. “I'll talk to him. Father Nick loves me. I was an altar boy.”

“He can't stand you,” she shot back. “You almost burnt the church down.”

Tommy shrugged, and grinned, “Hey, even Father Nick admits that he should have never given two ten-year-old boys a box of matches and not expect them to try to light stuff on fire.”

“He's not going to let me go to a party where my date is drinking,” she replied. “And everyone knows people only go to Winston's parties to get smashed.”

“Fine,” he conceded. “We'll go to a movie. Rocky?”

“I've been home a week and a half and we've already been to see Rocky three times,” she complained.

“Well, we don't have to watch the movie, you know,” he said, looking her up and down suggestively.

“Ugh,” she cried, throwing his arm off her shoulders and sliding away from him. “Why do you say things like that? That's why Uncle Nick doesn't like you.”

“I thought it was because I almost burnt the church down,” he grinned, sliding close to her again, effectively pinning her between himself and the wall. “How about Fast Times at Ridgemont High?”

“You just want to see the pool scene but okay,” she laughed.

“Pick you up at five?”

“Six. When I leave here, I have to go help Uncle Nick at the shelter. That's my volunteer work for this year,” she replied. Their school required all students to do at least forty hours of volunteer work every semester. “What did you draw?”

“Soup kitchen,” he said. “I'm just going to do it all the week of Thanksgiving and get it over with at once.”

“Cool. Well, I'm having lunch with Scott, so I'll see you tonight,” she said, pointedly.

“I get it. I'm going,” he replied. He put his hands on either side of her face and gave her a long, open-mouthed kiss.

Scott rolled his eyes and tried to look anywhere but at the couple in front of him. So Joey had a boyfriend. What did he care? He had a girlfriend. Sort of. Well, he wasn't really sure what he and Maggie were. They'd gone out twice. They'd even made out a few times. But she didn't want to hold hands in public or tell her parents that they were dating.

“See you, later, Babe,” Tommy said, sliding out of the booth and motioning to his friend that it was time to go. “Nice to meet you, Scotty.”

“Likewise,” Scott replied, flatly. He turned back to Joey as soon as the other boys left. “Are you really dating that creep?”

“He's not a creep,” she shrugged. “He's actually really sweet when he's not showing off and I don't know. I mean, we went to the end of the year dance together last year and he asked me out after Mass last Sunday, so.., I don't know. I guess we're dating.”

“You sound confident,” he said.

She shrugged. “I like him, but, I guess we haven't made it 'official' or anything. Whatever. Let's talk about something else.” Fortunately, their food arrived and they focused on eating more than talking.

Half an hour later, Scott was trying to look anywhere but at Joey, but it was because she was giving herself an insulin shot.

“How do you do that to yourself?” he asked.

“It beats death,” she smirked. “I've been doing it pretty much my whole life. You get used to it.”

“Your whole life?”

“Since I was three,” she shrugged. “Well, not me doing it when I was three. But you know, still taking the shots and all. So, anyway, the first day of summer vacation Uncle Nick woke me up at like three in the morning and told me that Dad wanted to talk to me. So I jump up and run down to the kitchen and the phone was still on the hook, so I was like what the heck? And he said, 'Oh yeah, he wants to speak to you in person.' So I grab my shoes, thinking we're going to go to the airport and pick him up. But when we got to the airport, I was like, where's dad, and Uncle Nick said, 'Greece.' I freaked out. I was in my pajamas! I flew to Greece in my pajamas! They kept it a secret almost until I was on the plane. It was so cool!”

She stashed her medicine in her backpack and jumped to her feet, waving her hands around. “We stayed at this cool little cottage on the beach and we had to walk to the village every day and buy food. We went fishing a lot and I got to swim in the sea every day. I mean I know I was just a cover for something, but it was still pretty cool.”

“Why do you think you were a cover?” he asked.

“The cottage was company owned,” she replied. “It had a safe room. And several times, Daddy got me up in the middle of the night and made me go sleep in the safe room and told me not to open the door for anyone but him, your dad, or Julia's dad.”

“My dad was there?” Scott questioned, looking surprised.

“I don't think so. I never saw him. I think he was the fail-safe if things went really bad and neither Dad or Mr. Jimmy could come back for me,” she said, sitting back down beside him.

“You didn't care that they were just using you as a cover? I would have been pissed,” Scott said.

“Why? I got to spend the summer with my Dad in _Greece,_ ” she laughed. “I was never in danger and I would have never had that opportunity otherwise. I barely even knew he was working. I mean, we went to the Parthenon and Acropolis, and all the touristy things, it was just a couple of nights, Dad went out for a few hours. It wasn't a big deal at all. And Julia's dad made the best food on the nights he was around.”

“Who's Julia?”

“Oh, that's right. You don't know her,” she said, shaking her head at herself. “Julia Schmidt. Her dad works with ours. She's nineteen and lives in Brooklyn, but she's cool to hang out with. We go shopping sometimes.”

“What time do you have to meet your Uncle?” Scott asked.

“Three. I'm going to work in the nursery at the shelter until five so the women can cook dinner,” she replied.

“Why do just the women have to cook?”

“Because it's a women and children's shelter. There are no men,” she replied. “There aren't even any male volunteers except Uncle Nick and Father Michaels and a few family lawyers.” She jumped to her feet again and held out her hand. “Come on, let's go to Empire Records. I want to get some new albums.”

* * *

 

“I bet she can't date,” Joey said, after listening to Scott's problem with his girlfriend. “She's not hiding you because she doesn't like you but because she doesn't want her parents to find out and make her stop seeing you.”

“Have you ever done that?”

“Yeah. And Father Michaels caught us making out in the choir loft,” she grinned. “Got my butt handed to me by Daddy over that. But in the end, he agreed to let me start dating. You know, once I wasn't grounded anymore.”

“You really think that's it?” Scott asked, hopefully.

“Yeah, I mean, look at you,” she giggled. “You're gorgeous and you're like the sweetest guy ever. Who wouldn't want to go out with you?”

“So what do I do?” he asked, blushing furiously.

“Well, you, or really she has two choices. She can either keep dating you secretly and wait to get caught, which I can tell you isn't very fun, or she can just ask her parents if you can go out,” she shrugged. “Have her introduce you. Any parents would love you. She doesn't have to tell them that you've already been out a few times.”

“I know her parents,” he replied.

“Then she's set. Just tell her to ask her parents if she can go out with you.”

“And if they say no?”

“They won't, but if you keep sneaking around, when they find out, they will,” she said, stopping at a subway entrance. “This is my stop. When will you be back in the city?”

“Next weekend,” he answered. “I have lessons every Saturday. Want to meet up again?”

“I don't know,” she teased. “Think your girlfriend will let you?”

“Oh, so you're going to play that way,” he laughed, putting his arm around her shoulders. “Well, it wasn't _my girlfriend_ that came over and made their presence known.”

“What? That wasn't what Tommy was doing,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I told him I was having lunch with you. He was cool with it. If he wasn't, he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore.”

“Yeah, it was,” he insisted. “He wanted to make sure that I knew that you were with him.”

“Yeah, yeah. I have to go or I'll miss my train. Give me a hug.” She pressed up on her toes to wrap her arms around his shoulder and kissed his cheek. “See you next Saturday?”

“Definitely,” he agreed, kissing her forehead. “But it's my turn to pick where.”

“Deal,” she agreed, giving him one last hug before running down the steps to catch her train. If she missed it, she would be late and have to stay late.

Scott watched her disappear down the stairs before heading uptown for his lesson.

* * *

 

On the train, Joey pulled her Walkman and headphones out of her bag. She and Scott had spent most of the afternoon at Empire records and she had finally bought three new cassettes. Michael Jackson, Rick Springfield, and one of classical violinists that Scott swore she would love. She wasn't convinced. She like listening to him play, but overall, it wasn't her cup of tea. Still, she opened it and put it in her Walkman.

Okay, so maybe it wasn't the worst album she owned. She was still listening to it as she approached the shelter. She pulled her headphones off and stopped to stash her Walkman in her bag when she heard someone calling her name. She turned around to see a lady walking towards her from the alley. She was dressed in a short, tight skirt, low cut, torn, blouse, and high heeled boots. She felt her heart sink. The woman was clearly looking for tricks.

“Joella, Baby, what are you doing on this side of town?” she asked.

“Hi, Mama,” Joey said, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves. “I'm working at the shelter.”

“Oh, that's good. You look good,” Angelica reached out to touch her daughter's hair. “So pretty. You're always so pretty.”

“Thank you,” she said, twisting on her heels. She could tell her mother was also on something. “Mama, please come in with me.”

“They don't like my kind in there, Baby,” Angelica replied.

Well, that confirmed she was on something, as you had to be clean to spend the night there.

“It doesn't matter, Mama,” Joey insisted. “Uncle Nick is here. He'll help you, Mama. Please.”

“Do I look like I need Nick's help?” Angelica tried to wave the concern away as silly. “Listen, Sweetie, is your Daddy in town? I really need to see Mickey.”

“He's on sea duty,” she replied, remembering that her mother thought Mickey was still in the Navy. “But, Uncle Nick is here. Mama, he can help you. At least, he can get you some food and a place to rest.” She grabbed her mother's hand and tried to pull her towards the shelter.

“I don't need Nick to do shit for me and I damn sure don't need him preaching at me,” Angelica snapped, snatching her hand away. “Just go on with your little smart ass thinking you can tell grown folks what to do.”

Joey looked at her mom, at the shelter, then back to her mother. She was desperate. “Mama, please! He won't preach at you. You know he won't.”

“Go on! I just wanted to talk to you, but you had to ruin it. Get out of here always trying to change people,” Angelica replied, before turning and walking away.

Joey stood there for a minute, wondering if she should go after her, but she knew it wasn't a good idea. She took a deep breath, wiped her eyes, and went into the shelter. By the time she was signed in and had put her things away, she was feeling a little more steady.

“Hey, Uncle Nick,” she said, finding him in the kitchen, unlocking the doors for the evening.

“Hey, there, Sweetie,” he smiled, hugging her. “Did you have a nice visit with Scott?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I'm going to go open the nursery.”

“Hey, if you want to wait around for me to get finished tonight, we can hit up Antonio's Pizza on the way home,” Nick offered.

“I have a date,” she smiled.

“Right,” he nodded. “Sorry. I forgot. Boys are replacing poor, old Uncle Nick now.”

“You're only 28. That's not old. How about after Mass tomorrow?” She asked.

“Deal.” He smiled.

She started out of the kitchen but then turned back and hugged him again. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he replied, kissing the top of her head. “Are you okay, Joe-Joe?”

She let go and nodded. She knew she should tell him about seeing her mom, but then he would lecture her about not being able to help people who didn't want help and it would be a whole big thing so she just plastered on a smile. “I'm fine, Uncle Nick. I promise. I'll find you again before I leave.”

He nodded and let her go, but couldn't stop the thought that something was bothering her. He would have to get to her to talk over pizza the next day.

Joey meant to find Nick before she left but when the time came he was counseling a lady who had just come in with three kids and two black eyes. She couldn't interrupt just to say goodbye. She waited around for a few minutes, then asked one of the ladies who stayed overnight to tell him that she was heading home and would see him later that night.

She slung her backpack up on her shoulder and walked out. She never saw the man walking up behind her until it was too late. She didn't even have time to scream.

  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please leave a review!


End file.
